What matter's?

In as much as I say I've changed, I haven't, really. Oh, at times I do feel that I've learned from, not only my mistakes, but my successes, as well. Each stumble and fall, has been a lesson. Each victory, has been a lesson. Then how can I say I haven't changed? Well, I seem to fall into the same patterns, when it comes to the self talk in my head. Those old messages that plague me to this day, seem to be on constant replay. I can't even say the negativity were words that were actually spoken to me, rather, actions, or my perception of situations, created the belief system I currently possess, my world view, if you will. We talked in class a few days ago about knowing our place, whether in our family, our team, in life, the world. Considering the big scheme of things, we are insignificant. The sea, the mountains, nature all around us, inhabited the earth since way before we were here, and long after we are gone, these things will continue to exist. The mountains may erode, the seas may lose or gain moisture according to the global warming folks, but for the most part, they will continue. That is how insignificant we are in comparison. However, in our family, in our community, we matter, we are significant. Reminds me of the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life", which I admit I have never watched all the way through, but I get the premise. Had the main guy never been born, how different the lives of his loved ones would have been. Sometimes I feel that I don't matter to anyone, but I know that is simply not true. We just get wrapped in our daily life, all of us, and we are either too tired or run out of time, to catch up with those that we love the most, our family. I do call my mom every single day, for no reason other than to ask how they are doing. That's all. I don't need anything, I am not asking for anything, I just want to say hi, check in. That is significant, not just to me, but I know it is important to my parents as well. I have spent more time with them lately than I have in the past, and while it still isn't enough, for I know that one day, they will both be gone, and I will long for these daily conversations. I question myself, "is it enough?" Probably not, but I am giving it my best. At the end of the day, that matters. I know I rambled, but I just needed to write, even if it was just words to a page, nonsense. Talk soon...