Sink your teeth in & run...

I did not want to go to Boot Camp today! I had a cavity filled this morning, blahblahblah; I was in pain (I really wasn't after I took an Ibuprofin) blahblahblah; while I wasn't feeling 100%, I wasn't feeling bad enough not to go to class. When I got my Coach's post to bring only weights, well, that could only mean ONE thing, we were going to run...A LOT! So again, the feeling of "how can I get out of this?" crept in. Running could cause my teeth to rattle, what if the cavity filling fell out? What if my knee started to hurt? What if, what if, what if? There were so many excuses looming in my mind, surely one of those would excuse me. But, alas, I went to class, knowing full well that I was feeling perfectly fine, and if I did find some excuse to not go, I would have felt so bad about myself. I would have let ME down! Isn't that the whole point of getting fit, working out, eating semi-healthy, to focus and maybe be a little selfish for myself? I am sure I am not the only camper who maybe felt the same way. So we ran, then we ran some more, then we ran even more. In total, we ran about 3 miles. Really? I was crying about that?? And I feel great! The adage, "winners never quit, and quitters never win", kicked in. I am not a quitter, especially on myself. Talk soon...

What matter's?

In as much as I say I've changed, I haven't, really. Oh, at times I do feel that I've learned from, not only my mistakes, but my successes, as well. Each stumble and fall, has been a lesson. Each victory, has been a lesson. Then how can I say I haven't changed? Well, I seem to fall into the same patterns, when it comes to the self talk in my head. Those old messages that plague me to this day, seem to be on constant replay. I can't even say the negativity were words that were actually spoken to me, rather, actions, or my perception of situations, created the belief system I currently possess, my world view, if you will. We talked in class a few days ago about knowing our place, whether in our family, our team, in life, the world. Considering the big scheme of things, we are insignificant. The sea, the mountains, nature all around us, inhabited the earth since way before we were here, and long after we are gone, these things will continue to exist. The mountains may erode, the seas may lose or gain moisture according to the global warming folks, but for the most part, they will continue. That is how insignificant we are in comparison. However, in our family, in our community, we matter, we are significant. Reminds me of the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life", which I admit I have never watched all the way through, but I get the premise. Had the main guy never been born, how different the lives of his loved ones would have been. Sometimes I feel that I don't matter to anyone, but I know that is simply not true. We just get wrapped in our daily life, all of us, and we are either too tired or run out of time, to catch up with those that we love the most, our family. I do call my mom every single day, for no reason other than to ask how they are doing. That's all. I don't need anything, I am not asking for anything, I just want to say hi, check in. That is significant, not just to me, but I know it is important to my parents as well. I have spent more time with them lately than I have in the past, and while it still isn't enough, for I know that one day, they will both be gone, and I will long for these daily conversations. I question myself, "is it enough?" Probably not, but I am giving it my best. At the end of the day, that matters. I know I rambled, but I just needed to write, even if it was just words to a page, nonsense. Talk soon...